February 25, 2016

It's the end of the week, and it was one of the weeks where I felt like writing a book of all of the things I was forced to say as a teacher and as a parent. I, in no way, have the energy to write a book about anything right now, but here's a top-ten list:

NUMBER 10:
"Please stop barking. We can't hear the video."

NUMBER 9:
"Do we ninja-kick chairs? No, I don't think we ninja-kick chairs."

NUMBER 8:
"Why can't you use my scissors? Because no one in her right mind would trust you with a pair of big-girl scissors".

NUMBER 7:
"Rubbing your body parts on that does not make it yours."

NUMBER 6:
"I had planned to grade your essays today, but I was way too busy giving a lecture on paper/pencil management."

NUMBER 5:
"Nose picking is my favorite thing ever! Why use a tissue when you can go knuckle deep!" (Apparently you are not supposed to use sarcasm in the classroom...such a pity)

NUMBER 4:
The next person to talk during our silent reading time is going to be the all-time winder of the Nope-bel Peace Prize!!!"

NUMBER 3:
"I've been talking to you about how unhealthy McDonald's is for your whole entire life, but now that the lady who comes to school to talk about the importance of hand washing says McDonald's is not healthy, by all means, stop eating it."

NUMBER 2:
"I know how hard you must be working to help Simon learn to not say the F-word in front of his grandparents" (said about a 3-year-old)

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING I SAID THIS WEEK AS A PARENT AND A TEACHER TAKEN COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT IS...

"It would be completely fine with us if you married another boy instead of a girl, but we'd be pretty disappointed with you if you did so in order to gain another set of XBOX controllers."

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY, PEOPLE!!!!


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